Sorry, it this yawn-worthy content? I don’t even know anymore.
I figured that I would give you my second trimester update since I wrote about my feelings on pregnancy in my first trimester and things have really changed since then. I am 23 weeks along and this trimester has come with its own sets of difficulties and joys.
I am happy to say that I am finally enjoying my pregnancy. My nausea has subsided, I have some energy back, my body is moving with minimal issues. Things are still tough: I work four jobs, I sleep maybe two hours a night on average, I have constant nightmares when I do sleep.
In case you missed it, we have decided to name our baby boy Finn Alexander. Finn because we love it, Alexander as a nod to me and my dad. I asked Walter how he felt about the name and he told me that he had actually been thinking about it as a name as a tribute to my dad and I. We are insanely close - I have literally the best dad in the world - and his name is David Alexander. Because of that, my name is Alexandra. He is DAQ and I am ADQ, and now my little boy has a piece of our special bond already a part of him.
Walter celebrated his first Father’s Day! I got him a Bravaa jet mop mopping robot. Which sounds like a dumb gift, but believe me - it’s not. He is obsessed with having little robot workers in the house. We got a Roomba for our wedding and he cried of joy (and laugher..and maybe vodka). He, in turn, gave me one of my push presents that he had put aside: an amazing pair of Buffalo platform sneakers that literally made all of my lifelong Baby Spice dreams come true. On the day this photo was taken, I was wearing Walter’s shirt and I dripped ice cream all down the front of it. I got super sad (hi, pregnancy hormones, good to see you) and he took his own ice cream cone and smashed it into this yellow hoodie to show me how little he cared. He was just happy that I was enjoying my ice cream. He’s going to make the best dad.
I have been singing this song to Finn all day long. I read that if you consistently sing/play a song for the baby while they are in the womb, that it can be soothed by the same song once they are out in the world. Naturally, I chose a Dolly Parton song since she is my fairy godmother. The lyrics are so simple and pure, and it has this amazing line “together we belong like daffodils and butterflies” and that is exactly how I feel about my sweet Finn. He has heard me sing the song for him so much that now when I play it for him, he immediately starts moving around and kicking me.
This is part of the reason that I love being pregnant so much now. Feeling him move is so incredible, and I feel like when I talk to him or touch him, he immediately responds. It’s like the only thing that he knows is that he loves me and that I make him feel safe. I hope that those things are always true.
I am not going to lie, it is SUPER hard to feel sexy while I am pregnant. I have been taking a lot of photos like this to try to make myself feel better. I always wanted Dolly Parton’s boobs and, well, now I’ve got them. I try to photograph my belly in photos like this to make me feel empowered. My body is STRONG, it is doing something crazy, and I am still a woman and I still can enjoy feeling sexy. If anything, my body is more feminine than it ever has been with this big belly, and it makes me feel good to show it. I am not in incubator - I am a person!
Finally, finding time for myself in this pregnancy is insanely hard. I work until 11 pm or midnight every night. I don’t sleep. It makes me sad, because this is the last bit of time that I have with Walter where it is just the two of us and we don’t even have time to enjoy one another at all. Things here at OSG are taking off and we have so many fun ideas and directions, there literally is not time to slow down. Scheduling time to work solely on OSG is so, so, so hard. My schedule is so tight and I am so overworked as it is, every moment counts because I might not get another for days, weeks, months. If I am not working, I am exercising. I don’t rest. This pregnancy has coincided with the busiest time in my life. I am so thankful for all of the progress, I am so excited about what is to come. People keep telling me to slow down, but they don’t understand that I truly can’t.
Last week, my boss at my day job told me to leave work an hour early and take time for me. I took Gus to the beach for an hour and it was so special. I feel bad for the little guy, he really is like my first child. I hate that I have less time to be with him and play with him. He is not an accessory in my house, he is a living being who wants his mom. A time is coming where I will be able to give him even less attention and it breaks my heart. My hope is that when Finn is big enough, they will be best buds. To a little guy, Gus looks like a full blown wolf. I daydream of a time where Finn can imagine himself as a brave hero with his wolf sidekick and I can enjoy watching two souls that I love so much play.
I keep saying how it is so hard for me to wait to meet Finn. Now that I know he is here and healthy, it feels like there is this persistent emptiness in my heart as I wait for him. I love him so much that when I think of him, it is hard for me to breathe. I told Walter last night that I have been waiting my whole life for this exact family that we are building together. I am so full of love that it is overwhelming.
Turns out, I love my pregnancy.